Changing Patterns and Cultivating New Gardens
To successfully navigate any journey, it is important to balance packing the essentials and shedding dead weight, knowing when to carry the momentum and when to pause to rest and enjoy the view.
Packing Essentials
Maintain Movement. This is a tough one, as I am currently struggling with an undiagnosed knee injury and am unable to run. For more than three decades, running has been my constant. The movement of my body creates movement in my mind, helping me unstick my thoughts and emotions. In my busy life, it guarantees time with friends I might not see otherwise. Past injuries inhibiting running have felt like a loss of self. I am sad and annoyed but am actually finding this pause to be an opportunity to discover new parts of myself. I am currently swimming daily, and, while running helps me sort jumbled and busy thoughts, swimming clears my head completely. Instead of feeling charged to tackle a problem, I am exiting the pool ready to create something new.
Changing patterns of movement are changing my pattern of thinking.
Lightening the Load
Stop Hiding from what bad things might happen. In a particularly rough time in my life, a friend told me that the universe will provide subtle signs, and if I ignore them, it will throw satellites at my head. Over the last 5 years, my satellites have included divorce, a child with a mental health crisis, heartbreak, and two layoffs. Each time, I had believed I was ready to start a positive new chapter and was derailed completely. I’ve developed a large fear daring to hope or trying to change the status quo, as I was sure I was just exposing myself to another satellite.
The problem with hiding from satellites is I am also hiding from the sun, shivering in the dark cold instead of feeling the warm light. Writing and sharing here, is a step into the light, regardless of what satellites lurk.
Enjoying the View
Seeing my Teenager as a whole person. We’ve had a rough couple months involving his less than ideal choices and my poor reactions, which have led me to just seeing his mistakes. I had an opportunity to be alone with him in the car, and rather than fight about music/earbuds or probe into his current life, I asked him about what he wants for his life. I used open ended questions, reframing them as he resisted, and giving him space to answer. I learned he values money for more than material reasons - he wants the freedom of choice it will create. For example, if he works hard now, he can use that money to not have to work during college and be able to focus on studying and still have time for fun.
I love witnessing his thought process, and am motivated to dig deeper when the surface is lacking.
Building Momentum
Cultivating the New over fixing the old. I am at a stage where I have lush fertile soil ready to be planted and I am wasting time weeding a vacant lot. Being stuck in past problems is preventing me from visioning and creating anything new and beautiful. I went through the exercise this week to contrast my new versus old garden. Some examples include:
Planting in My New Garden Weeds to Stop Tending
Trust the process Control the outcome
Breathe deeply Scroll on my phone
Unplanned time and fun time Endless to-do list
Intentional decisions that work for me Worrying about the reactions of others
Abundance mindset with time Constantly rushing
Open to imperfection and acceptance Judgment of self and others
Designing my future Retelling old stories
While these are more conceptual, this framework has proved practical in making daily decisions by creating clarity around how I prioritize my time. By treating old projects as choices instead of obligations (not finishing a book I hate), I have mentally freed myself to make conscious choices about how I spend my time (reading a book I just learned about this week and was excited to read).
As I plan my time this week and consider my choices, I will continue to ask myself “New garden or weed?”
